Flying has become an enormous chore. It’s annoying time consuming and exhausting. Long gone are the days when air travel was an elegant experience. You dressed with style to travel. Now it’s “anything” that goes in the cabin, tube tops, hot pants, sneakers, and bad attitudes.
Courtesy at the airport or on the plane is as rare as a hot in-flight meal. When there is some form of courtesy, it is forced and condescending. Misery and downright rude behavior are common in all areas of society. Just go to the supermarket or the mall – observing the interaction between patrons is appalling.
Get into your automobile, the last bastion of joy left, you observe the rules of the road, but sometimes one wonders if there are any rules. Road rage is the new term to describe bad behavior in the automobile. Road rage is now commonplace sometimes, with awful results. The world economic meltdown, crime, unemployment, natural disasters, has contributed to our feelings of frustration.
Helplessness and loss of hope feeling that there is nothing more to lose, contributes to bad behavior. Much of etiquette and manners are based on what we expect from others. Being civilized and mannerly could make the process less taxing.
On my last long-haul trip from Miami to Los Angeles, I became very aware of just how much manners and style is lacking in our hustle and bustle world. As flying becomes more stressful some persons turn into aggressive rude bullies.
I settled into my seat, only to have the passenger in front of me recline his seat into my lap, crashing into my knees. The plane was still at the gate. That should have been my clue to try and change my seat. Unfortunately, it was a full flight. I felt the seat connect with my knees. I could have leaned on the seat so that it would not recline, and after a couple of tries, he would have thought the seat was broken. How could I show grace and style in this situation? Should I behave in a way that is now the standard reaction? Abusive and aggressive?
I was brought up to do unto others as I would have done to me. I wondered if the gentleman in front of me thought of how his action would impact the person behind him. Probably not. They say when you know better, you should do better. I know better. I decided to use my most gentle voice asking the gentleman not to recline his seat quite so far back. Expecting a barrage of bad language I braced myself.
“So sorry,” he said, and the seat went back up to a more comfortable recline. The situation was diffused easily and we both went on our trip relatively relaxed. Thinking of how you would like to be treated or dealt with goes a long way to ease stress and avoid confrontations. In any situation, good manners and appropriate behavior will take you a long way. Being rude and unpleasant will never be in style instead it only shows a lack of breeding, and education, and class.
Judging by what is being shown on TV and in the movies, one will think that we are descending or we are in a time of early cave people. Some of the basic rules of a civilized society are foreign to many persons today. For many, it’s not cool to be polite and kind.
With the proliferation of cell phones, the rule of “speaking softly” has gone out the window. Phones ringing in the most inappropriate moments, at funerals the movies, and of course, on the plane the most inane updates… ”I am going to my seat now”, thanks for the update, we are all going to our seats now. Having lunch, or a business meeting with someone who is constantly taking phone calls interrupting your conversation, (unless it’s absolutely necessary) Shows a lack of consideration.
Talking at the top of your voice on the phone is not acceptable behavior. A good rule to remember is that other people should have the option of not listening to your call. Unless it’s an emergency, this is not the time for your conversation. You have the option to tell the caller that you will return the call later, or not answer the phone at all. Many times the cell phone can be a lifesaver in an emergency. Be sure of the emergency Using your cell phone does not excuse the user from good telephone manners.
Remember, a simple please, thank you, or excuse me, will separate you from the pack. Sometimes these little words will open big doors, they have a huge impact. Many a deal has been lost because of a lack of proper etiquette.
Being polite should be incorporated into our daily lives. Good behavior is always appreciated whether you are at work or play. Good manners do not make you old-fashioned or uncool. It should be a way of life, that when used, shows us in a better light. It makes us better people. Whether it’s writing a thank you note or showing your respect in particular customs or cultural exchanges we do not understand. Human beings need to interact with each other and when that is done with respect and dignity, living somehow gets easier.
Showing Good manners is about “no thank you” or “I’m sorry” It’s about how to be… with style, elegance, and about living with confidence or knowing and doing the right thing.
Each day we have the opportunity to practice good behavior. It’s a gift that we can give each other daily. It makes us better people and our time spent with others more pleasurable.
The state of our happiness depends on our interaction with others. Etiquette will always be in style. Become stylish.
Claudja Alexander
International Protocol and Etiquette Consultant
cbarrytneck@aol.com